December 18, 2007
Today I start posting on the Blog about my Dad. He and Mom say it's OK now. I will share a few tidbits about him and about the progression of his disease. But mostly, I will share some of my thoughts about the man I call my Dad. Below are copies of previous notes from my journal into today’s post if you care to read them.
Yesterday, Dad gave permission to call his family. I did. Wally and I picked up Mom to go to the hospital in the morning as Dad wasn’t very good on the phone. Apparently he had a fall early in the morning, so as a result he had a setback. While there Cheryl arrived and then Kelly & Dewayne and then Mom’s two friends Evelyn and Loretta. Cheryl, Kelly, Mom & I were in with Dad and Mom says “your with your four girls” and he says “yes, I’m with my four girls”. We had a nice visit. Kelly was her usual funny self and we all had a laugh.
I do not lie that this is very, very difficult. I can only think of one day at a time, otherwise I cry. So for now, I’m just thankful for every moment I can share with my Dad.
Today I am going to stay overnight with Mom. Dad asked her yesterday if she had her baking done, so today she will show me how she makes War Cake. On Monday Mom made shortbread cookies with Crissy and had dinner with Todd, Tylor and Crissy.
December 16, 2007
I am writing this as I glance out the window to the expected snow that is falling. Wally and I visited Dad early this morning so we could miss driving the 101 in snowy conditions. Thank you to the nurses and staff at the hospital who let us come and go when it isn’t visiting time. We popped in to see Mom to give her a casserole and fudge I made the night before and then we headed to the hospital. Scott is with her and they are looking at photos of Christopher’s son, Daniel. He is so cute!
Dad is very alert today. He is looking forward to having a shower that the nurse promised him. Mom gave us his shampoo. I just know that he’ll sink back in his bed and smile once he can have a shower.
I feel so very lucky that I can visit with my Dad. Every day I feel more at peace. We have had a few laughs and I have shed a few tears, but every minute I get to share with him is such a gift. Today, after the doctor felt his abdomen, I say “your liver isn’t very happy right now” He says “my liver’s owner isn’t very happy either”. We laugh. Wally gave him a shave and we tucked him into the new blanket Mom sent for him. He was tired again. As he said, he loves to have everyone come, but not for long.
December 15, 2007
I have a really nice visit with Dad today. He is very tired but we talk. I tell him he is a great Dad. He closes his eyes. I ask him if he knows he was a great Dad and he opens his eyes and nods. I guess in a way I said my goodbyes. I hope I have lots more time with him, but I said the things I wanted him to know. I didn’t want to miss the opportunity. In my heart of hearts I believe he knows how important he is to me and that I feel very fortunate that he is my father.
Dad let me feed him his lunch. He ate some roast beef and some pears (he really liked the pears). He is mostly drinking now...full glass of milk and apple juice plus a glass of water. Drinking cold water causes him to breathe really shallow.
December 14, 2007
I woke up at 3am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I flipped through TV channels, watched a show that I had taped and waited for the sun to come up. Wally starts his vacation today, so it is so nice to have him with me. We head to the Valley at around 9am. It is snowing and the roads are slick but not too bad. We pass an accident near New Minas, but as we get closer to Middleton the weather improves.
When we see Dad a nurse is desperately trying to insert an IV site into his arm. Without success I might add. I can tell Dad is happy to see us. As she works on him Dad and I pretend he is in Bermuda. We talk about the pool, the water, the corral streets and of course the mopeds and Mom’s accident. After many tries the nurse finally gets the IV in. Dad does not complain. I told the nurse that he won’t, so please ask him if he is pain. She said she would.
Dad knows he will not get better. He asked if I understood. I said yes. I told him I just want him to be comfortable enough to have a few laughs. He said that’s what he wants too.
We took in the duvet from “his bed” at our home. I asked him this morning if he would like it and he said he would. When I asked if he wanted his music he said no. I didn’t get much time alone with him because Mom & Cheryl arrived around 10:45 after seeing Dr. McGuire. The Dr. explained to them that Dad has liver cancer and it is secondary. They will not biopsy or do any further investigation because at this point it really isn’t necessary. The primary site could be either his kidney or bowel. Doesn’t really matter though does it. The result will be the same.
Wally gave Dad a good shave and he drank a whole box of chocolate milk that Cheryl brought him. Wally removed Dad’s wedding ring as he was very swollen and we gave the ring to Mom. The nurse gave him Lasix as we were leaving, so I’m sure that won’t be much fun for Dad today.
On our way home I was thinking how lucky I am that I had my Dad with me for 71, almost 72 years. I can’t stop thinking about all the things he has done for me over the years. He has always been my champion. I could always rely on him sticking up for me when I needed it. I am so, so blessed to have gotten to spend so many years with this man. If he’s ready to go, I understand. I will miss him so much I can’t explain, but in my heart I know I’ll see him again. Then, we will have our last dance.
Love you Dad. Love you so much. I will miss you, but I understand you have been through too much over the years and your time is near. I will be OK. I will be OK because you taught me how to be strong and independent. I will be OK because you are a part of me. Sleep well Dad. Until I see you again, sleep well.
Today I start posting on the Blog about my Dad. He and Mom say it's OK now. I will share a few tidbits about him and about the progression of his disease. But mostly, I will share some of my thoughts about the man I call my Dad. Below are copies of previous notes from my journal into today’s post if you care to read them.
Yesterday, Dad gave permission to call his family. I did. Wally and I picked up Mom to go to the hospital in the morning as Dad wasn’t very good on the phone. Apparently he had a fall early in the morning, so as a result he had a setback. While there Cheryl arrived and then Kelly & Dewayne and then Mom’s two friends Evelyn and Loretta. Cheryl, Kelly, Mom & I were in with Dad and Mom says “your with your four girls” and he says “yes, I’m with my four girls”. We had a nice visit. Kelly was her usual funny self and we all had a laugh.
I do not lie that this is very, very difficult. I can only think of one day at a time, otherwise I cry. So for now, I’m just thankful for every moment I can share with my Dad.
Today I am going to stay overnight with Mom. Dad asked her yesterday if she had her baking done, so today she will show me how she makes War Cake. On Monday Mom made shortbread cookies with Crissy and had dinner with Todd, Tylor and Crissy.
December 16, 2007
I am writing this as I glance out the window to the expected snow that is falling. Wally and I visited Dad early this morning so we could miss driving the 101 in snowy conditions. Thank you to the nurses and staff at the hospital who let us come and go when it isn’t visiting time. We popped in to see Mom to give her a casserole and fudge I made the night before and then we headed to the hospital. Scott is with her and they are looking at photos of Christopher’s son, Daniel. He is so cute!
Dad is very alert today. He is looking forward to having a shower that the nurse promised him. Mom gave us his shampoo. I just know that he’ll sink back in his bed and smile once he can have a shower.
I feel so very lucky that I can visit with my Dad. Every day I feel more at peace. We have had a few laughs and I have shed a few tears, but every minute I get to share with him is such a gift. Today, after the doctor felt his abdomen, I say “your liver isn’t very happy right now” He says “my liver’s owner isn’t very happy either”. We laugh. Wally gave him a shave and we tucked him into the new blanket Mom sent for him. He was tired again. As he said, he loves to have everyone come, but not for long.
December 15, 2007
I have a really nice visit with Dad today. He is very tired but we talk. I tell him he is a great Dad. He closes his eyes. I ask him if he knows he was a great Dad and he opens his eyes and nods. I guess in a way I said my goodbyes. I hope I have lots more time with him, but I said the things I wanted him to know. I didn’t want to miss the opportunity. In my heart of hearts I believe he knows how important he is to me and that I feel very fortunate that he is my father.
Dad let me feed him his lunch. He ate some roast beef and some pears (he really liked the pears). He is mostly drinking now...full glass of milk and apple juice plus a glass of water. Drinking cold water causes him to breathe really shallow.
December 14, 2007
I woke up at 3am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I flipped through TV channels, watched a show that I had taped and waited for the sun to come up. Wally starts his vacation today, so it is so nice to have him with me. We head to the Valley at around 9am. It is snowing and the roads are slick but not too bad. We pass an accident near New Minas, but as we get closer to Middleton the weather improves.
When we see Dad a nurse is desperately trying to insert an IV site into his arm. Without success I might add. I can tell Dad is happy to see us. As she works on him Dad and I pretend he is in Bermuda. We talk about the pool, the water, the corral streets and of course the mopeds and Mom’s accident. After many tries the nurse finally gets the IV in. Dad does not complain. I told the nurse that he won’t, so please ask him if he is pain. She said she would.
Dad knows he will not get better. He asked if I understood. I said yes. I told him I just want him to be comfortable enough to have a few laughs. He said that’s what he wants too.
We took in the duvet from “his bed” at our home. I asked him this morning if he would like it and he said he would. When I asked if he wanted his music he said no. I didn’t get much time alone with him because Mom & Cheryl arrived around 10:45 after seeing Dr. McGuire. The Dr. explained to them that Dad has liver cancer and it is secondary. They will not biopsy or do any further investigation because at this point it really isn’t necessary. The primary site could be either his kidney or bowel. Doesn’t really matter though does it. The result will be the same.
Wally gave Dad a good shave and he drank a whole box of chocolate milk that Cheryl brought him. Wally removed Dad’s wedding ring as he was very swollen and we gave the ring to Mom. The nurse gave him Lasix as we were leaving, so I’m sure that won’t be much fun for Dad today.
On our way home I was thinking how lucky I am that I had my Dad with me for 71, almost 72 years. I can’t stop thinking about all the things he has done for me over the years. He has always been my champion. I could always rely on him sticking up for me when I needed it. I am so, so blessed to have gotten to spend so many years with this man. If he’s ready to go, I understand. I will miss him so much I can’t explain, but in my heart I know I’ll see him again. Then, we will have our last dance.
Love you Dad. Love you so much. I will miss you, but I understand you have been through too much over the years and your time is near. I will be OK. I will be OK because you taught me how to be strong and independent. I will be OK because you are a part of me. Sleep well Dad. Until I see you again, sleep well.
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