REGROUP

I had a sleepless night last night and with that my mind races. At about 4am this morning I began to cry. To be honest I wanted to go into the “ugly” cry but I couldn’t because of a sleeping person next to me. It shocks me when I’m enveloped by such sadness about the loss of my Dad.

This is a picture of Dad last spring. It seems like yesterday to me.

Today is a day of reflection and regrouping. I need to centre myself and find the joy inside that I know is pushed down for now. I read a little. Ate a little of what I shouldn’t. Organized Candice and Cory’s wedding book. And I reflected on the loss of my Dad, again. I think I’m beginning to accept the fact that I will forever have a small hole in my heart for this man that was so important to me. May 5th is the day of his burial at sea. When I think about that day I get a physical pain in my chest. Dad will be so happy on that day, but right now I can only feel the extreme heaviness of a sad heart. My hope for that day is that I can share in his happiness. He will rest in a place that he wished for.

On a lighter note, we are heading out to a movie tonight to see “Horton Hears A Who”. Yup! We, who have no children, are generally hooked on kids movies. How can a heart remain heavy when you get to spend 1 ½ hrs. watching Dr. Seuss at its best?