Perspective. Ugly can be beautiful. Sometimes it feels like I'm a broken record...as the saying goes "you can't judge a book by it's cover". I've written a lot about the fact everyone has a story. From my very core I would like to scream it out loud to remind people to not judge. Most likely if the time is taken to find out a little about a person, generally you are pleasantly surprised. We are who are for a reason. We just didn't wake up one day and our life was formed. Little beings are brought into this world with part of their personality, but I believe that those little personalities are twisted and moulded into a full grown person that is either confident, strong, carefree and loving, or possibly wounded. I also believe that every adult carries wounds of one kind or another. The struggles we have throughout our life are what helps make us human.
Yesterday while traveling on the back of Wally's motorbike, I caught a glimse of myself in the reflection of his helmet- well actually I had to look at myself for the duration of the trip unless I chose to look elsewhere. What I saw was that fat "piggy face" people have when they are grossly obese. It is painful to see how other people see you. My life was on hold for many, many years. Since 2000 I have been waiting. I don't know what I've been waiting for, but I hear that voice in my head say...when I do so and so I'll be able to do this. You know how it is.
It was difficult for me to get on the back of Wally's bike. Not because I was afraid he couldn't drive well enough. Not because I am afraid of motorcycles. Not because I didn't want to. It took me this long to get on the back of Wally's bike because I was embarrassed and ashamed of what I looked like. Ironically, I don't look at other overweight people even remotely how I look at myself. I do not judge other people by how pretty they are, or how much they weigh, what kind of car they drive, or how big their house is. In fact, what I notice about people is how they treat their children and those close to them. I notice "cotton tops" (as Wally would say) holding hands while walking. I notice a woman putting her head playfully on her partner's shoulder (or vise versa). I notice children running so hard up to their parent they crash into their legs and then hang on tightly to avoid falling. Those are the moments that define individuals. Those are the moments that make people feel special and worthy. Those are the moments that are important.
This weekend I rode on the back of Wally's motorcycle a couple of times, and I also took it for a spin myself in a nearby parking lot. I must admit I cringed at the sight of the photos Wally took of me, and most likely this is where this post was born. Ironically, the more I get out there and live my life the less weight I carry around, but man I swear that can be the hardest part sometimes...just putting myself out there as a person whom I don't even recognize.
The above photo is a patch of garden I have been attempting to grow for 4 years now. Do you see weeds? I choose to see beautiful wild flowers.
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